The topics for this week’s puns and one liners is gambling jokes. I should add that I’m not much of a gambler; the biggest wagers I seem to make are playing 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I am far from an expert in the topic. As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…
I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol.
While sports betting may be on the sideline for now, online casino games have risen to the occasion and the number of people playing around the world has skyrocketed. This is because more people have been in their homes, looking for a break from Netflix, something to entertain themselves, and who want to try their luck at making a little side. The topics for this week’s puns and one liners is gambling jokes. I should add that I’m not much of a gambler; the biggest wagers I seem to make are playing 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I am far from an expert in the topic.
Categories Pun of the Day Tags casinos, gambling, monks, religion Leave a comment Gambling addicts who see those Vegas casino lights don’t have a chance.
Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.
Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.
How do you become a millionaire through gambling? Start as a billionaire.
I’m going to an Abba themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
Lost money betting with with one of the big cats at the zoo. Think he was a cheetah.
Did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.
I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.
I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.
I used to love eating chips until I got barred from the casino.
I bet on a horse at 10-1. It didn’t come in until half past three.
Walking down the road earlier and I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop. What are the odds on that?
A friend of mine keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows. I think he has a gamboling problem.
Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? They always fold.
Last week’s snooker jokes are here.
If you like these gambling jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.
And you can have a joke like these delivered on the hour, every hour now by following us on Twitter or liking us on Facebook.
Playing in casinos is no joke; players bet from simple wagers to millions of dollars. However, in its purest form, gambling is still a form of entertainment and as such, should be treated accordingly—with grace, respect, and most of all, fun. Take a breather and enjoy the following gambling jokes:
A Serious Affair
While Doctor Miller is drinking his coffee at home, he hears hisphone ringing. He answers and hears the familiar voice of his colleague,calling him for a game of poker. ‘I’ll be right over’, said doctor Millerquietly, and he went to put on his coat. Mrs. Miller walks right to him and asksworriedly: ‘Is it serious?’. The doctor replies: ‘Oh, yes, it’s quite serious.There are three doctors there already waiting for me!’
Pack Your Things
Sherman rushes to his house back from the casino. From the door heyells at his wife: ‘Samantha, pack your things. I just won a million pounds outof a slot machine!’ Excited, Samantha replies: ‘Oh yes, finally, we’re going onvacation? Should I pack for warm weather or cold?’ Her husband looks at her andsays, ‘I don’t care wherever you want to go! You can go to the North Pole ifyou want, as long as you’re out of the house by noon!’
Wrong Chip
Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had achip on my shoulder.
Gambling Jokes for Fans
I’m going to an ABBA themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
A Good Boy
A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table.Upon inspecting, he sees a dog sitting at the table. This piques his curiosityand he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the nexthand is dealt with and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turnwith all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the otherhuman players were doing.
However, none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to thefact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any otherplayer. Finally, the man could no longer hold his tongue so between hands hequietly said to one of the players, “I can’t believe that dog is playing poker,he must be the smartest dog in the world!” The player smiled and said, “Heisn’t that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”
The Logic Man
A blackjack dealer and a player with thirteen counts in his handwere arguing about whether it was appropriate to tip the dealer.
The player said, “When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’sfault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing todo with it so why should I tip him?” The dealer said, “When you eat out, do youtip the waiter?” “Yes.” “Well then, he serves you food, I’m serving you cardsso you should tip me.”
“OK, but the waiter gives me what I ask for… I’ll take an eight.”
Gambling Life
My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I’d doanything to win her back.
Professional Gambler
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a barone day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy thehouse a round of drinks.”
The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of theDepression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”
Sports Gambling Public Money
So, he pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. Thebartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?”asked the bartender.
Sports Gambling Puns Jokes
“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.
The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds arefifty-fifty at best, right?”
“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite myright eye,” he said.
The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, youscrewed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
“I’ll give you another chance. Pharaohs tomb slot gratis. I’ll bet you another fifty dollarsthat I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re notblind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guypulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
Ooops
Sports Gambling Puns List
I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The whole thing collapsed.
Wife Vengeance
Sports Gambling Public Companies
I found a way to keep my husband from gambling. I just spend themoney first.
Sports Gambling Puns Pictures
Enjoyed these gambling jokes? Follow our blog to get the latest in casino news, sports updates, game launches, gambling updates, casino jokes, and more! Register at JeetWin to play the latest online casino games.